The Camera Adds

 phone sex, self-amusement, videos, weight  5 Responses »
Jun 142012
 

Back in December 2011, I took one too many anti-vertigo medicines after getting dizzy after shooting a custom video, so I decided it would be a fantastic time to wax philosophical on camera. Most of what I shot that evening was unsuitable for viewing by anyone other than my Recycle Bin, but this one was pretty funny. I was getting frustrated at how disproportional I looked when I was in any position other than sitting, leaning forward, with my elbows resting on my knees. So I talked about other positions and showed just exactly how unflattering some other angles are. But there are a couple of nice moments where I hit good angles and I look deliciously curvy instead of freakishly out of proportion. Also, [read more...]

Perfectionism, Insecurity, and Nakedness

 confession, honesty, issues, video, weight  2 Responses »
Jul 132011
 
Perfectionism, Insecurity, and Nakedness

This is why I don’t do more videos and pictures: perfectionism and insecurity. Well, and the effort. Logistics first: to get paid for spending an hour on the phone, I need to: (a) feel sexy (b) make sure my dogs are well enough taken care of that if I have to suddenly leave them alone for an hour, they won’t starve or dehydrate or chew anything valuable (c) make sure at least one phone has been charged (d) log in (e) wait for an hour’s worth of calls. To get paid for making a video or a picture set or being on cam, I need to: (a) feel sexy (b) shower, do my hair, put on makeup, put on a sexy outfit (c) make sure [read more...]

Heartbreak And Phone Sex

 heartbreak, honesty, humiliation, phone sex, weight  12 Responses »
Sep 132010
 

Me: I’m not very good at humiliating people, and there are dozens of listings who advertise that. Why do you want me to try? Him: Most of them are skinny bitches. I want… like… gentle humiliation. From someone who… I thought you might… Me: I might understand what it’s like to be fat. Him (quietly): Yes. Me: I might understand what it’s like to sit down at a fast food restaurant and feel my flesh hanging off the seat, and wonder if the people behind me are making fun of me. Him: (gasps, pauses, starts to cry). Yes. Me: I might understand how waiters seem to judge you when you order dessert. Him: Yes. Me: I might understand how you spend a plane flight knowing [read more...]

Weight, Weight, I Got This

 history, issues, phone sex, weight  10 Responses »
Aug 312010
 
Weight, Weight, I Got This

Since I gorged on fondue tonight celebrating a friend’s upcoming wedding, it’s a good time to write about my weight. I was always thin – flat tummy and all – until I was 22. I got told I was cute a lot. I’ll let you judge for yourself – this is my passport picture taken a few months after I turned 18, when I was home from college for Thanksgiving my freshman year. That is how I still picture myself in my head, a size 6 or 8, about 65 pounds lighter than I am now. Between the ages of 22 and 25, I: took a desk job instead of jobs that kept me on my feet, stopped going dancing weekly, went on birth control, [read more...]