I happened to be at an open mic for stand-up, so I decided to try my hand. I’ve suspected I wouldn’t be horrible at it, and sure enough, it wasn’t horrible (except for about 45 seconds near the beginning, which I edited out). Enjoy And if anybody feels like transcribing it so I can have the whole text of it at the end of this blog post, please feel free to do so and send it to me.
My mom in Houston got 60 days’ notice that her apartment building was being torn down. My sister helped her through a whirlwind decision-making cycle, resulting in a move just one week later on Nov 8. I felt helpless to assist from Illinois, until I checked air fares, which weren’t too bad, so I flew down Nov 6 for a crazy week. Even though Mom doesn’t have a ton of stuff in her clutter-free, well-organized one bedroom apartment, and she is blessed with enough savings and early-move cash incentives to afford to pay for packers, movers, and unpackers (holy cow, that was nice), still, moving is a pain, and I was very glad to be able to help. I owe her karmically for my two [read more...]
Against all odds, and perhaps also against all better judgment, I went to a play party this weekend. I wasn’t in great shape after the traveling, but I made it. The host lives in a collegiate part of town where noise ordinances are unlikely to be enforced, and neighbors are more likely to peep than report if there are nekkid people in an inflatable “hot tub” in the back yard. So I wander in the back yard, and there are five topless women and three appreciative men in the inflatable “hot tub” (water heated by the scorching outdooor temps and refilled by garden hose), and I was easily coerced to join. The woman next to me, who I’ve groped and smacked and licked several times [read more...]
A weather situation in Chicago caused me to miss the last flight of the day home, so although my dear husband offered to make the drive to pick me up, we agreed it would be easier on everyone if I just did the “distressed traveler rate” at the hotel for the evening. The Hyatt Regency O’Hare felt posh to me, although I couldn’t tell if the decor was retro-chic or actually 1970s, because I suck at decorating, but I immediately thought, “I have to do a robot shoot here some day.” The combination of ultra-modern silver and chrome with wood-like wall paneling and dark patterned carpet made me want to squeeze into a silver bodysuit with big marked squares on my tummy and stand in [read more...]
The hub had a company holiday party last night, and I decided to wear a long-sleeved dress I haven’t worn since last time I was living in Illinois (1999), a timeless crushed blue velvet piece that I remembered as being roomy. Because I didn’t need to buy a dress, I got wintery-looking silver and blue jewelry to match. I told the husband I was wearing a non-slutty dress for the party, since it was the first time I was going to meet his coworkers. Have to keep up the respectable camouflage, after all. Good wifey. But for you, dear blog readers, I snapped this picture of what I wore under my dress: a comfortable and classy-looking matching panties and bra. The picture was taken after [read more...]
We still don’t have our stuff, but our movers have at least called us now. We are no longer playing the game of “maybe they stole all our things.” Now we are playing the game of “they claim we owe them a lot more money than they initially estimated before they will deliver our things.” I hate playing chicken. Thankfully, my husband and I play a pretty damn good game of Good Cop/Bad Cop. Usually we just play it alone with each other, but in this case, it comes in handy externally as well. Heh. That made me grin. We’ve researched the law and helpful tactics, but if you have suggestions, feel free to shoot me an email and advise away. My legal-name FB has [read more...]
I may work in the only profession where it is not altogether unexpected to receive a work-related email with the subject line, “Pantyhose and Aliens” ~ me, sent as a text last night to a few friends and family
My sister just called me, and started the conversation with, “This is not an April Fools’ Day joke, although it sounds like one.” (side note: Last time she said that, she was unexpectedly pregnant. Seriously, why the hell would you tell your family you’re pregnant on April Fools’ Day? Answer: she didn’t realize what day it was when she told Mom, but then she had to tell me that same day. Poor Mom answered, “That’s not funny” and they had quite a conversation while my sister figured out why she had responded that way.) I have an OKCupid profile, and it’s active, because every few weeks, I get a request from a caller to look at his profile and give him my honest feedback on [read more...]
Dear Galiana, I know you love doing things in sequence (and good for you for writing down the steps to creating new picture packages in the right order, so you don’t have to figure it all out again every time you do it), but getting stuck on one task is not terribly efficient when there are other things to do. … especially when the “getting stuck” part involves trying to upload large files while simultaneously populating your new offsite storage location … with 2.5 GB left to go… How much bandwidth do you think you have, young lady? Hmmm? Now please stop watching percent-loaded meters stall out, and get some things done. Love,Galiana
Dear Galiana, Since the temperature in the Fuckatorium 2.0 is roughly 7 degrees cooler than the rest of the upstairs, please try not to suddenly develop a drinking problem and dribble ice-cold diet coke over your flimsy lingerie. Love, Galiana