disability » Chance It

Tired, Happy, Done

celebration, disability, vertigo No Responses »

Sep 252012

We settled. I’m legally bound to disclose no details, but it was very close to the smallest number I needed to walk away in peace. Most importantly, it’s done, and I never have to look at the nasty papers again. Not today, not next month, not next year. Never. Explanation for those just joining in: I sued my long-term disability insurance for benefits they have refused to pay me for the last 3.5 years, regarding my neurological vertigo severe enough to keep me from working full-time. It was a brutal week leading up to the hearing. The hearing itself was mind-crushingly four hours long, and every aspect of the case was reviewed from every angle. I feel like all the truth was told. That part [read more...]

Bunny Hop Brain

availability, disability, limits, vertigo 4 Responses »

Aug 272012

Every few months, my vertigo morphs a bit. Some things get easier, others harder, and I have to re-learn my limits. The latest morph has been more of a step back than a step forward. The fundamental issue is predictability: no matter how much data I collect between “what I do” and “how I feel”, correlations are not appearing. I’ll morph again. I’m sure the next shift will be a big step forward. In the meantime, my ongoing lawsuit against my long-term disability insurance company is reaching a critical milestone: the settlement conference is in late September, which is the last stage before “last chance for a pre-court settlement offer”, which is the last step before court. So I’ve spent ridiculous amounts of time mulling [read more...]

Bunny Hop Recovery

availability, disability, honesty, issues 2 Responses »

May 082012

I seriously injured my back about 2 months ago now, and my recovery has been a bunny hop: two hops forward, one hop back. I knew I was ready to write a blog post again finally when the thought of putting on pink lipstick and my roommate’s bunny ears for a picture didn’t confuse or overwhelm me. (For the record, my roomie is RIDICULOUSLY cute in the bunny ears with her matching pink hair.) To make a long story as short as I’m capable of (not very), I’ve been having rolling compensation re-injuries climbing steadily up my back. The first injury was basically compression in my tailbone, so I compensated by shifting pressure up a few vertebrae, which then injured them, but not quite as [read more...]

Not That Kind of GFE

availability, disability, honesty, issues, limits 6 Responses »

Mar 282012

The grand experiment was: see if I can successfully travel to meet an out-of-town lover for a multi-day romp, with some resting time built in. The first five days were a smashing success: I rested up after traveling, then we romped to our hearts’ delights in a sunny, warm, cozy place with every creature comfort I could have asked for. I got gussied up with straight hair and red red lips for our first sexy day: He likes me in just a bra and panties. And then I played the part of the good mistress and put on my maybe-we’re-just-colleagues outfit for scrumptious dining out about town (his wife knows about me – I’m more of an extra in their open marriage than a mistress, [read more...]

Meds and Trains and My Missing Superpower

disability, vertigo 2 Responses »

Jan 192012

When I was a manager, I encouraged people to find their “superpower”. As an example, I said mine was “English translator of English” — I have an unusual ability to help technical people understand the business side of things, and vice versa. Apparently, my Missing Superpower is: Keeping People Informed Of My Calendar. I told about five people I was traveling. Everyone else was confused and ignored. I’m really sorry. In my defense, I was using all my energy trying not to be terrified of traveling. It sort of worked (not really). I just got back from Chicago. I went there for a long-overdue checkup with my dizzy doctor to discuss my horse tranquilizers. He told me about a new habituation treatment that involves a [read more...]

How’d It Go?

disability, honesty, issues, vertigo 4 Responses »

Oct 292011

Last Wednesday I had my Social Security disability hearing for my vertigo, covering the period from March 2009, when I got sick, to July 2010, when I started working as a phone sex operator. Beforehand, my lawyer prepped me what to expect, and we went over the evidence to ensure my she had the important findings at the top of her notes. We discussed whether to tell the judge I do the generic “phone consulting” or to tell him I’m a phone sex operator. The reality is, I chose this profession not only because I’m a giant slut who loves playing with callers’ sexual energy, but also because I can set my own hours, I can rest when I need to, and I can’t sustain [read more...]

On The Road Again

availability, disability, honesty, issues, vertigo 2 Responses »

Oct 242011

Tomorrow, I’m traveling back to Austin to have a disability hearing. Although the timing was unfortunate, I’m very glad it’s been scheduled and that I get time to explain my weird, complicated case. I spent the first six months of my vertigo visiting 17 doctors and a physical therapist, looking for diagnosis and a cure. In months 6-15, I tried a series of medicines, to varying degrees of less-than-total-success, but I also extended the lessons I learned in physical therapy to try to develop coping patterns of activity / rest. In month 15, I felt good enough about the balance of occasional medicines and my physical therapy gains to attempt to make a living at phone sex. I was not at all sure I could [read more...]

Control, You Fickle Bitch

availability, disability, honesty, issues, limits No Responses »

Oct 142011

I had a lot of control when I lived in Houston – my husband was traveling for work 10 days out of every 14, my family and local friends were trained to call before dropping by, and I was finding my ability to adapt to the unexpected kind of, well, atrophying, because the unexpected was happening so rarely in my daily life. I mean, sure, there was the whole thing with “you’re moving – you’re not moving – you’re moving – you’re not moving – oh okay really you’re moving”, and anyone would have found that disruptive, but aside from that ennui, I could manage my dizzies, my dogs, my time, and my energy as I wished. Oct 2, I arrived at my new home [read more...]

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part VI

disability, heartbreak, honesty, issues, limits, phone sex, PSO issues, vertigo 1 Response »

Apr 082011

This time, the heartbreak is for me. As I’ve explained vaguely elsewhere on the blog, I have mysterious neurological vertigo which makes me feel drunk all the time. And every now and then, it causes other glitches as well, as if my brain’s electrical systems got fried: I mix up words, I can’t finish a sentence, or writing no longer translates into words. Or, in extremely rare cases of extraordinary exhaustion and vertigo combined, I have little episodes where I don’t make sense for a few seconds, as if I’ve drifted into another reality, and I hallucinate a bit, as if I haven’t slept for days. The basic theory behind my vertigo is that my neurons in part of my brain aren’t recharging fast enough, [read more...]

Moving, Science, and My Availability

disability, honesty, issues, phone sex 1 Response »

Feb 222011

As I let you know in this blog post, I am moving from the Austin area to the Houston area on Feb 28. Because of the circumstances of the move, we didn’t start making arrangements until Feb 16, so it’s insta-crunch-time for sorting and packing. Saturday, I did Scientific Experiment One: stay logged in for phone sex and take calls according to my normal schedule, and see if I can get a few things packed between calls. Outcomes for Scientific Experiment One: * study methodology: wild success – outcome was crystal clear * ability to log in: miserable abject failure – I got nothing packed at all Basically, my logged-in pattern for taking calls is that between calls, I rest, answer emails, browse interesting links [read more...]

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