Long ago, I read a non-Western philosophy of sex, couched as an older male instructing a younger male in the ways of lovemaking, that said that the female orgasm was a blessing to the man who causes it.
I love the idea, but I have to expand on it:
- An orgasm is always a blessing, regardless of the gender of the person having it
- An orgasm is always a blessing, regardless of the gender of the person “causing” it
- Causality for orgasms is a joint effort – both the person having the orgasm and the person(s) helping are at least partially responsible, and therefore, both are blessed
In my own power-play explorations, I am fascinated by the power and control of an orgasm.
For example, if I’m being submissive (let’s say for the sake of visual effect: on my knees in front of a nice hard cock with my hands tied behind my back), the theoretical power dynamic is that I am serving him, and that he has all the power. And yet, in the moment when he tumbles over the brink into ecstasy, I can sense him losing control for a moment, and I always feel a surge of power, as if I have won something. My grin afterwards always has a bit of victorious gloating in it. Lovers have laughed at me, as in, “Well, you’re pleased with yourself, aren’t you?” Why yes, yes, I am.
And when I climax at the hands (or lips or cock) of someone theoretically serving me, I feel that same transfer of power and control. I lose my sense of my self, my ability to choose, my ability to rationally decide, just for a moment. The French refer to an orgasm as “la petite mort”, translated as “the little death” (explained well on wikipedia), as a recognition of the expenditure of one’s life force in those moments.
And when I have enough of them strung together in the right way, with enough breathers between them to avoid burnout, I can enter a “sub space” where I no longer want to be in control, where I no longer wish to decide anything at all. It can feel like I’m drifting on a current of air, or sometimes of water, or like I’ve expanded out into space as if I were universal. Physiologically, I understand that I’ve simply overloaded my frontal cortex, but emotionally, it can feel blissful.
I love the endless loop… you serve me to cause me to surrender control to you who uses your power to get me to serve you to cause you to surrender control to me… delicious.